I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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