i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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