just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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