We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
