You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize