Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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