you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
