Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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