You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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