I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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