sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My room smells like vodka and shame
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
