i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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