i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
