never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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