You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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