If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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