i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
