I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
