I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
