Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
