apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
