This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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