I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
