Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
