Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
