that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
