Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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