They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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