TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
