I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
