I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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