i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
