If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
