He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
