she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
