is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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