i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
