so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
