Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
