He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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