I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
