i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
