too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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