the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
