i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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