I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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