Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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