I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
