someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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