i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
