your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
zippers are such a cool invention
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
