On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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