do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
