Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's shark week go big or go home
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
