so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
