i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
