So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
