Got a toothbrush?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
