So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
