my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
