Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
