Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
