Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions

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(903): View more from Texas

Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.

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(802): View more from Vermont

you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.

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(757): View more from Virginia

i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?

(604): View more from British Columbia

And your cock privileges have been revoked.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP

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