Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
