Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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