i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
