8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize