I think scott just propositioned me for sex
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The best revenge is premature balding
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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