WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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