because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
