Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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