youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
