I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
