guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
