At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
