Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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